Well everyone, big news lately in our house. We are moving back to Washington. It’s been an easy decision, but at the same time, really tough. We are going back because we miss our family so so so much, but it is definitely hard for me to leave my amazing job that I love every day. It’s just one of those things though where once you come to the realization of something, it opens up the flood gates and you can’t get it out of your head. In fact, the feelings and thoughts come harder and stronger. That’s how it happened for Connor and I when we started talking about it. It turns out, we both had been thinking about moving back for a long time before we said anything to each other. When the discussion began, both of our minds were already made back and we realized it had to be done. Months and months ago, I wrote something about it. I was scared to even admit it to myself…
“It’s time to speak truth and to face my fears of saying it. I feel if I say it out loud it will become reality and truth. But how is it not, even if it is only in my head? The truth — homesickness and nostalgia. I miss the northwest. I miss my family. I miss the trees, the rivers, the lakes, the forests. I miss the escape I had from the city. I don’t wan’t to go back to that city, but I want to go back to the escape.
I miss the smell of the leaves and pine needles in the fall. It was a smell I had forgotten, until I recently ran across a bag of pine needles. It brought me back to that place. I miss the quiet of the forests. I feel so far away from that now. And I am.
I often dream of living in the forest or countryside someday. I don’t know if that exists here. I thought I was a city girl until I came to the city and had nowhere to run. There is no escape, no place of peace, at least not one I have found.
Am I happy here? I think so. I only feel nostalgia for something I once had. But it breaks my heart to think I may never have those things again. I am trying to find here in Colorado what I want back from there. There are so many things I love about this place, but the forests and water are something I never realized was such a big part of me. How did I not know that before?”
It is crazy what you take for granted sometimes. I am very happy to be going back to Washington, the place I once called home, and still feel in my heart that it is my home. I will definitely miss what I have grown to love here in Colorado, but after a lot of thinking, I know what I am doing is the right choice. I have been so blessed with the experiences and opportunities I have had during my time here. Connor and I bought our first house, we both had amazing jobs, I had a boss who truly took me under his wing and taught me so much, along with some awesome co-workers and neighbors who were great friends. We have been able to see and do so much, some of my favorites being Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs, Rock Park and the antique stores in Castle Rock, the Reservoir, and of course the amazing Park Meadows mall and IKEA.
I definitely look forward to spending time with our families, holidays, being at the lake, Greenbluff, and crinkle-cut fries with fry sauce (why does no one have that here!?). But until next week when we pack up the moving truck and head back to the Pacific northwest, I will be savoring the last of our time here in Colorado.